"One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us."
Since I couldn’t think of anything new to say, I tried to write this show review on the Red Line as I headed to meet Vivian, and missed the damn stop. (Unrelated note: Now I have the flu.) Later in the park, Vivian and I discussed the previous night's events. This is a rough translation as my handwriting has devolved into something like chicken scratch, but much more ghetto. It was also written in Sharpie on both sides of the paper. I apologize in advance for its lack of clarity and rudeness.
You’re an idiot if you didn’t go to this show. I’m an idiot and I went. So what does that make us?
Worst opening line ever. No more joke attempts. (Vivian nods and decides not to smoke her last cigarette until after dinner.) Gentlemen Jesse played an amazing powerpop punk energetic set…. (Insert better description later) to a mixed crowd of comatose hipsters, old men, college girls in leggings, kids, and punks heavy on the Vice-style.
“They were pretty good,” Vivian says, as she nonchalantly scans the area for threats. “But it was weird. The people watching them up front had no enthusiasm. It’s not an open casket.”
Maybe you are familiar with viceland.com’s DO’s and DON’Ts section. (Describing anything that comes with a link is a waste of space.) I decided to do my own version of this, but without pictures. Because the Black Lips completely killed it. They were very exciting for me and many others.
DO… Dance your ass off, sing along, jump around, give a band you enjoy some respect. They are working for you. At least have the decency to clap.
DON’T… Start a moshpit only to abruptly abandon it when the going gets rough.
DO… Help the guy up who gave you a nosebleed with his elbow two minutes prior. It’s nothing personal.
DON’T… Crowd surf at the Black Cat. You have been warned.
DON’T… Let others pick you up and force you into a head-walking situation, only to be dropped pretty hard on your ass. It wasn’t worth the pain. Learn to say No! You’re too old for this shit.
DO… Act humbly and with respect as security escorts you out. Own up to your bad behavior. Apologize. You are the asshole in this situation.
DON’T… Walk out on your tab, even if you are being escorted from the property. A willingness to endure public, pathetic humiliation may earn you that second chance.
DO… Continue to party in the Red Room after the show. Watch out for Commies.
DON’T… Punch the really nice guy in the face for letting your friends stay and party at his house, for no reason. Especially in the face. Not even cool. See above DO regarding security escorts, revise to personal situation. You should have probably left anyway, even if he let you stay.
DO… Make out with a crazy Russian just to break the language barrier. You can search his wallet for the card later.
DON’T… Forget what you did last night. There is a reason to exist, and remembering that is important. (There are some more personal notes here that may not be suitable for our readers.)
Ramones - Teenage Lobotomy (Mp3)
Ramones - Commando (Mp3)
Ramones - Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment (Mp3)
Ramones - I Wanna Be Sedated (Mp3)
Ramones - I Wanna Be Well (Mp3)